Understanding Children

I know, you just read the title and thought what would a gay man know about children? I mean until the other day, I didn’t have a full understanding of the female reproductive system and the in-depth knowledge of what happens when a girl has her period (apart from the horror movie style bleeding scenes that we love to imagine!) nearly 12 months ago my best friend had a baby, and it was such a terrifying time for me, usually in the past when friends have had babies, they morph into this monster that see single people as “sad” and “lonely” and the worst “unfulfilled because you don’t have children” So naturally I expected the same thing to happen, and while they assured me nothing would change, I was convinced it was only a matter of time.

The baby arrived and (not biased at all!) is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She is funny and smart, with personality to boot! I always used to roll my eyes at children and think meh I could never be that interested in one, oh how wrong I was!

I already felt like a member of the family, and them having this child only accelerated it further. I can’t even describe how protective and loving I am of this child, and it didn’t even come out of me!(so I can only imagine how my friend feels about her!) All I want to do is cuddle and kiss her and wrap her up in a fuzzy pink dressing gown and have her stay that way forever!

We were at the show and I wanted to get her something for Easter that wasn’t chocolate (I am waiting till she is a little bit older, I can have her for the morning, pump her full of chocolate and send her back to Mum & Dad with a new drum kit!) and found the most precious beautiful hand made plush bunny rabbit. The stall lady wrapped it in a brown paper bag and we took it back to her. She opened the bag herself and pulled the bunny out, and the look of pure joy on her face smashed my heart and as she cuddled it to her head and smiled I am not ashamed to say I got a little teary and the love I felt in my heart-like area was unlike anything I have ever felt before. My Mum always says that Christmas isn’t the same when your kids grow up and you can’t see their faces, and I always say “Yeah yeah whatever, we are still your children, you can still buy us stuff up!” and grin at her stupidly. Now I think I understand what she means, if I could I would buy her a present  a day just to see that look on that beautiful little face, the pure joy and love from something so simple.

The day went on and on and I had that “ah-ha!” moment, this is what children are, this is what they bring that I have never understood before. So as I was walking home, the undeniable question lingered “Do you want kids?” and to be honest, it was never something that I considered to be a possibility before, I have always been that “self-involved” person so it never occurred to me that I could love anyone more than myself. But I love knowing that question is lingering and I now have a deeper understanding of what children are and why breeders (hehe) go so crazy over them.

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Society’s Stigma

Attention – the following is a little “ranty” and is heavily opinionated from a white male’s perspective. If this offends you I implore you to not read on, and instead go and click on something else.

On the weekend I logged into Facebook on a breezy Saturday morning and found that one of my oldest friends had posted a rather long and honest status about the state of his mind and the state of society. It is 731 words of delicious and raw honesty and as I read I felt my inner fist pump happening and I just had to share it and add my own thoughts about.

“A few months ago I posted a ‪#‎5NegativeThings‬ to counteract the 5 positive crap people were posting .. “everyone’s news feed is filled with negativity” which at the time I disagreed with.

I must say that everyday now all I see is negative crap!
So maybe I’m behind… or maybe I was fortunate enough to not have the negativity prolonged?!

However, all I see now is hate!

I think hate has become addictive for everyone.

The whole “I’m entitled to my opinion” has made this so much worse!

Suddenly everyone’s differences are on display… And many people make it a nasty opposition!

The only way to make news now IS negativity and sensationalism!

I’m not going to deny that shit happens and we all won’t agree on why, how or when.

To selectively post/share stories to hate (or provoke it) is VERY BAD…

Don’t you see this? Really?

I’m once again not going to deny the problems of people … But to keep highlighting certain topics will only result in opposing opinions and never amount to a solution… or peace.
It only raises fear and hate! The two thing most destructive!

I seriously want to kill myself when I read shit everywhere opposing me!!!

I’m not going to deny it… Ive been pretty low lately, very dark places.

Are you all aware suicide rates have risen??

Why don’t you all care?

I think “WTF is wrong with you?”.

Because I was born with a God damn PENIS I suddenly become hate #1.
Being male means I’m going to rape a woman or treat her inappropriately. “Social experiments” show this to be true! … Yeh ?!
Now don’t forget, When my dangling penis ages = well guess what I’m a fucking pedophile! Yup!

Please hate me!

Wait! What? I’m gay!!!

Mmmm, well I better not go to Russia for a holiday!
Even being in my home country gets uncomfortable and unaccepted by my own government…. Not to mention the stigma mention above … “I’m pedo who will take advantage of of children”…
WTF …seriously… What????

Fuck me and my family entitlements right!

How dare a gay male like children like any other male with children!
I can’t have children in my relationships… Does that mean I do enjoy childhood? Even tho as a child (once) I knew what life meant?!

I have NO fucking chance of love, and how dare I even think of saying I love ‘another’ man….

Even in the ‘Gay scene’ I’m a bloody ‘minority’ by public opinion.

Do you know that I am NOT a slut, and I don’t have HIV/AIDS.
I’m even lesser so than the heteros spreading their promiscuous behaviour around!

I know right! Fuck, wow!

Let’s not forget I have a penis right now!!!.
We know Lesbians are socially more accepted in public, and even seen desirable?!?….

I have a penis and I’m a gay male… Hate Me !

(Oh!you already do!)

Now, regardless of having relationships and experiences from different cultures (because I’m accepting and love everything life offers me) …

Although I am Australian,
I am therefore a racist!
A RACIST!

Hate me!

Can I just say…
That having such an easygoing, loving, accepting and grateful personality is very much a minority in this world!
And it’s much harder than being a part of more than ‘half population’ democratic.

I have a penis and I’m a gay Australian male…
Hate Me !

U hate me yeah!
That’s all I see!

I don’t see myself as gender, race or sexuality… Except where I ‘need’ to declare myself … Like this post!

Fuck that being born with an Australian with a penis and liking only circumcised Aussie men makes me a pathetic person !

Hate me !

I don’t want the “woe is me, everyone hates me” vibe in my life…
But because of the society (you) fuckwits have created, I have no other option.

U post it and I start believing it’s a mass representation of life as a human….
People don’t understand when I say “I hate people”… But really I do.

There was once a time I felt confident and loved. Now my mind sees everything negative toward me.
I now even hate myself.

Life is bullshit!
But only because of the opinions and hate of everyone else.

Can we take a national shoosh on the hate PLZ ?

Peace out x”

I have so many opinions on this and I cannot help but agree with a lot of it. Recently two of my best friends had a child and often I have been there visiting and watching them change her, bathe her and dress her, most of the times the baby has been naked. The first few times I felt really uncomfortable, like should I turn around and not look? Are they going to think I am a dirty perv for not leaving the room? Are they intimidated that I am in the room with their naked child, and I am a gay adult? These are the thoughts that plagued me as they bathed their beautiful baby and she splashed and giggled with delight. These words were never said and would never ever be in their thought process (I hope!) but the stigmata of our society makes me feel like that. At the moment I live with a single mother who was a son of her own (he is 10 I think? Sorry B if I’m wrong!) and he often loves just sitting on his bed with the door wide open with no clothes on (and to be honest who doesn’t!) this still is awkward and I think the same? Does she think I’m a dirty perv? Is she scared to leave him alone with me? When did we get like this?

The same goes for being out in public, since the birth of my best friends child I have noticed children a lot more in public. The cute things they do, the funny things they say, the way they act in public so carefree and reckless. If a child looks at you and smiles or waves, I always feel awkward if I do anything back as I am single gay man in my early 30’s with no partner, no wedding ring, so I must be a child predator and a creep. I think this is a disaster, our divorce rate is high in this country (and the world for that matter!) I grew up without a father influence in my life (for most of it!) and feel like so many experiences were missed because I had a working single mother of 3 as my guide (please note this is NOTHING against single mothers, my own did an outstanding job while fighting depression and illness) but I taught myself how to drive, I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, I don’t have that “parental unit” to fall back on for support when I need it, I don’t have a father to give me guidance on “guy stuff” and honestly it fucking sucks. So many other children out there are growing up without father figure’s in their life and missing out on that male influence that honestly we all need. So when we look at things like gay marriage and such people’s arguments are that they would only get a male’s influence or a female’s influence, and yes it does come down to the person, but our society is set on gender role’s and still to this day we need both to feel “complete” according to the underlying rules to western society.

I remember back in the early 90’s my family went on a trip overseas to the U.K. I was always an inquisitve and independent child (and still are to this day!) so I had no problems taking to adults, finding out things, asking other adults about sights and tours we went on. As a result of this I made a lot of adult friends, I was 15 at the time and my parents never stopped me or warned me against doing this, by today’s standards this would be seen as “neglect” and I made so many friends on these trips just from speaking to adults and learning about their country.

Now moving onto the gay thing, in my own minority group I am a minority inside that. I am not a young muscle mary with a good head of hair and rippling muscles, I am also not the opposite end, the older, mature guy with a head of silver hair and tons of cash. These are the two groups that our minority acknowledges, if you don’t fit inside either of these you are pretty much fucked (well actually no you are not! You are about as dry as Madonna after her latest world tour!) So not only does straight society put these pressures on me, my own minority group that I am meant to fit into looks down on me.

So what do we do? Because I am white, male and live in a Western country my opinion is suddenly invalid because I am “privileged” But let’s not forget the gay part, so I am infact a white, Western male living in a minority inside a minority who just wants to live my life without feeling like I can’t be involved in the raising of young people who are not blood related to me. What’s that old saying “It takes a village” and I know that Hilary Clinton did not invent those words but in her speech in 1996 at the Democratic Nation Convention in Chicago she did say (and I leave you with this)we have learned that to raise a happy, healthy and hopeful child, it takes a family, it takes teachers, it takes clergy, it takes business people, it takes community leaders, it takes those who protect our health and safety, it takes all of us.

Yes, it takes a village.

Source : http://www.happinessonline.org/LoveAndHelpChildren/p12.htm