The Truth

It has been exactly one year that the “12 week Transformation” thing happened, and I found myself reflecting all week upon it. Looking where I am now, what am I doing now, where am I at now and it all affected me. At the time I got down to 84kgs, I was starting to develop actual shaped muscles and believed that having a “good body” would make me feel good about myself, and at the time I thought this was true. Flash forward 12 months later and I actually believe the opposite, I am now 93kgs (yes 9 kilos heavier!) and I am happy.

I am happy that I don’t spend hours everyday at the gym, that I don’t spend what little time I have obsessing over every calorie I consume and what it is doing to my body. I can’t believe that I was ever so selfish and narrow minded that I thought life was about making myself look good to get the approval of other people, and this in lies the real heart of the matter. I was consistently posting “selfie updates” on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter, feeding off the likes and comments, my head swelling and turning into this gargantuan egotistical maniac fuelled by the approval of others, to feel accepted, to feel normal.

It felt like I was back in high school again and definitely not the person I had set out to be. Now before you start jumping to conclusions I met some amazing people and made life-long friendships through doing this, I do not regret what I did, but I do see the holes in it, and know that looking good is not an instant thing that will last forever, it is bloody hard work and not something to be taken lightly.

While it may sound like I am trash talking fitness and losing weight, I have made many life long friends through it, and that is something I will always be grateful for. I am as happy now as I was when I was 9 kilos lighter and that is something that surprised me. So what really does this prove? It proves that you can have be skinny and have a 6 pack if that’s what you want, I don’t want that. Sure I am still going to work on my body but I love food too much to have the “perfect” physique. I am prepared to do enough work to warrant eating burgers and fries, while not being morbidly obese, I am happy with the body I have and that is fine with me.

If you want to kickstart your body, do a 12 week challenge but be prepared to invest your money, your time, your patience for a great kickstart, but be prepared to learn maintenance work to keep the body you have gained, if not it is easy to slip back into old habits. So I guess for me the Truth is that I want working out to be a social thing, so group classes, boot camps and group training sessions are going to be my thing moving forward, it’s where I can make working out fun without being too aggressive about it and maintain my fitness.

What is your truth?

The 12 Week Challenge – I Got That Power

Saturday morning I had to get up at the ungodly weekend hour of 7am to go to bootcamp. I have only ever been once before and it was so hard and exhausting I thought my whole body would collapse and die. I found myself still lying in bed at 7:15am asking myself the question why, oh why am I awake at this hour while everyone else is sleeping in?

Needless to say I forced myself into the shower, then finally got to boot camp. The gay gods must have been smiling on me as a very attractive football team was training right next to us, and a few of them even took their shirts off…motivation here I come!

It was a really tough bootcamp, I was crawling to my car by the end of it and spent most of the day in bed after recovering with water and supplements. The thought of doing this every week for 12 weeks plus all the other exercise and dieting during the week makes me want to curl up and cry. Nevertheless I am proud of myself for getting through this (next week might be a different story!)

Saturday Food Diary

Breakfast – Bacon, Mushrooms, Poached Egg, Tomato, 1 small cup of coffee, skim milk

Lunch – Chicken breast wrap with tomatoes, baby spinach, rocket and wholegrain mustard

Dinner – Salad, small chicken bites

Snack – Popcorn, Apple, Banana

Sunday rolls around and I had to work at the markets for the day. I was depleted of any form of energy or enthusiasm and was not looking forward to the impending gym session. I took a break and psyched myself up for the session that I had to do alone (thanks a lot Levi, LAZY!!) Everything hurt, my legs, my arms, my chest, my hands, my feet, everything was in agony and I had no idea how I could possibly do this by myself, with no motivation.

I started out on the cross trainer and after about one minute the weirdest sensation came over me. It was as if my being withdrew from my body and something new came along…willpower…it took over and pushed my body to work out for one hour and fifteen minutes by myself, pushing myself to go harder, push stronger, train every part of my body and not give up. When I finished at the station and moved onto the next one the in-between time I could feel the pain my body had just gone through, but once I started up again the same thing happened and I found myself beating every single PB (personal best!) I had ever set before. The highlight was definitely the minute and a half plank, something I have struggled with, even the day before I could barely do it for longer than 40 seconds.

I left the gym feeling energetic and alive, until I had a shower and my unfortunate willpower left and reality of how hard I had pushed myself kicked in. All I can say is I am so exhausted and it hurts to move, I will be taking those repair pills tonight and praying for an overnight miracle.

I am extremely happy however that I have willpower, and I think today’s alone session showed me how much I really want this. I am now more determined than ever to keep going, and while I had imagined that I would cave after the first week and give it up, I am happy to say that I am going to keep going.

Sunday Food Diary

Breakfast – Protein Shake, Apple

Lunch – Chicken breast wrap with cucumber, tomato, lettuce

Dinner – Prawn, Calamari, Herb cooked on flat bread with small amount of cheese and tomato/basil sauce

Snack – Banana

The Core

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So I am a few weeks into this lifestyle change and I have to be honest and say it is the best thing I have ever done. I don’t know why I was so afraid and waited for so long to do this. My journey so far has been incredible, adjusting to the food changes is not as bad as I thought. Getting my butt to the gym is not a strenuous task anymore, it is just part of my daily routine, and part of this routine is getting someone who knows bodies and fat and getting them to help get it off me. That’s right I enlisted a personal trainer to help me with my journey, and it is the best decision I have ever made. 

My trainer’s name is Levi, he is a firefighter/mechanic/personal trainer/ideal boyfriend (oops did I say that??) and to add to this he specialises in weight loss, particularly getting rid of fat. The first time we met I went into great lengthy discussions (seriously who is surprised?) about my life, my journey, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to achieve, what had led me here and a lot about my past. 

After he got me to shut up, we went out into the gym and started the training session. I am going to be completely honest here and tell you that he killed me, he shattered every muscle, every bone, every molecule of my being was screaming out in pain after not being used for so long. We did some boxing exercises, some rowing and weights (oh god!) and then he asked me this curious question “How is your core?”and me being me replied “Well that is a very good question, I have been working for the last several years on my core, it was blackened and then ripped out by a selfish man who wanted me to be something I wasn’t, and then I was left feeling completely empty so I went on this journey to find myself again and actually have something inside me that I could be proud of.” He looked at me and smiled and said Üm, mate I meant your core, like muscles, stomach etc” I was so embarrassed and we both started laughing, as I got down on the gym mat on the floor to do this horrible exercise in which you have to lay down but put your palms on the ground and elevate your body, holding it steady for as long as you can. “This activates your core and tells me how strong you are” Levi said. I assumed the position and forced my body to stay there for a whole 30 seconds, that’s right 30 seconds of shaking, sweating and trembling, as I was trying to prove that my core was strong. 

This got me thinking about everything I have been through, everything I have accomplished and achieved to make me the person I am today. Having the core of my life ripped out by someone else was the hardest thing I have ever been through, and dragging myself through that muddy mess to recreate and shape the core of who I am and want to be was a lengthy and frankly exhausting feat. Yes I only worked on my insides, but really at the time that is what I needed to do to move on, to be the person I am today. While I feel that I will never stop learning, changing and growing, I am now just allowing my body to catch up, and it is this sheer determination that will not stop me for achieving my goal. 

As I am typing this my arms are killing me, my legs giving way but I feel more alive in my body that I have in a long time. I look forward to my training time, it awakens me and gives me a sense of pride and purpose and I cannot wait to see the changes in my body. 

PS I promise I won’t leave it so long between posts!