Goodbye FireFly

Warning – the following is very personal and only a handful of people on the planet know this about me. If you don’t believe in the supernatural then maybe this post is not for you.

For the majority of my life I have had a spirit/entity/ghost that has acted as semi-guide/creeper who has provided me with insights about the people around me and attempted to interject and advise on decisions I make in my life. Judging by the state of my life it is pretty safe to assume that I do not always listen or choose to hear and ignore and go on my own merry way. Why this poor thing would lump itself to me is completely beyond my understanding!

I call “it” or “him” Firefly as the first few times I saw him this was how he appeared, as a group of lights that were attempting to form a shape and it reminded me of these beautiful little beetles. I think this is possibly why I was never frightened of him.

The first night I met him was when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Our family home had just gone through a christian “purification” I still remember this husband and wife team coming over and telling my parents that there were demons hiding in the corners of the roof, that they were sitting there and they would swoop down and attack. It was one of the most frightening memories for me as a child and of course it invoked no sleep for me. My eyes would constantly dart up to the corners anytime I was scared or felt something with me in the room.

One night things were really bad, I awoke from a nightmare and opened my curtain as I heard a noise outside, I was convinced that I had seen a demon but in actual fact it was probably a bird or a confused bat who had flown into the window by mistake. I was crying and screaming and my mother came into my bed to comfort me. She sat on the end of the bed and grabbed my hand and asked angels to come down on the roof and protect us. A few seconds later she looked up to the roof and said “Do you hear that? Footsteps!” I looked up but couldn’t hear a thing.

I told my mother that I was ok and she went back to bed, I laid back into my bed, eyes wide open, still terrified out of my mind. This is when Firefly first appeared next to me, he floated in calmly and with a sense of complete coolness that instantly made me feel at ease. As he hovered next to my bed I heard a voice in my head “It is ok, everything will be ok now. Sleep” and I stretched out my hand and fell asleep instantly.

From here on in I saw him a few times over the coming years, when I met people I would get impressions of them and words that turned out later to be quite accurate. I never really thought too much about it being a child and all, but it wasn’t until later on in life that I started to realise just what this Firefly thing possibly could be.

Being the studious person I am I did all kinds of research into what this could possibly be. I found websites and personal accounts of spirits attaching themselves to people who could possibly have a “medium ability” I found stories of ghosts seeking companionship so they find people who are “open to the idea” I didn’t feel like I really fit these moulds.

Firefly was there when I decided to leave my abusive and violent relationship, he told me time and time again to leave for good this time, but little ol’ stubborn me would not listen, believing that people could change for the better. Firefly was there when I made bad choices, whispering the opposite in my ear but still stayed with me anyway, he was there when I triumphed and was overjoyed when I decided to move to Queensland because “Exciting things await you if you just go, don’t over think it, just GO!” These were his words as I contemplated the decision to move and for the first time in a long time, I listened (and boy am I glad I did!)

When I first moved I was scared and unsure about what lay ahead of me, but Firefly was with me every night that I was sitting in my sisters house on a mattress on the floor thinking about what the hell I had just done. He encouraged my confidence and bravery as I decided to finally start dating again and the second I met my current boyfriend he said these words “This is a good man, a good, good man, and you deserve a good man!” These words resonated with me, as I first met Luke and we talked and laughed, as I walked away from our first meeting words of reassurance and joy filled my head and I knew that we had just made a special connection.

At various other points in my life Firefly has interjected and offered his advice and opinions, if I asked for them or not. He has revealed things about past, present and future and acted as a semi spirit guide that I developed a relationship with. There was a time when he revealed that he was a monk in a previous life, and a warrior in another. This was revealed when several nights in a row I had horrific dreams about being attacked while I was sleeping. Fortunately it was not him attacking me, but protecting me from whatever was trying to get me that night.

Sunday night as Luke & I were talking in bed (I was a little bit intoxicated from day drinking) I told him about Firefly, it was important to me that he knew about this part of my life and he was only the third person alive to know about this. The next day I was concerned that he would think I was certifiably insane, I kept waiting for the white coats to walk down my driveway over the next few days and take me away because “my boyfriends has a voice in his head that talks to him!” I am aware of how insane this sounds!

Monday night when I arrived home, I attempted sleep, As I lay in my bed thinking about all of my encounters with Firefly, naturally he appeared. He was smiling with a solemn look in his face. He told me that he had to say goodbye, that he had taught me everything that he was sent here to teach me and that someone else needed him now. At this point I broke down, I was streaming tears and doing the “ugly cry” thing. He wished me well and told me I was on the right path and then like magic I fell asleep.

The next day I could still feel him lingering around me. I spoke to him several times during the day about something I was unsure of, a situation that I kept second guessing and he told me to stop over thinking things, stop second guessing.

Then on Tuesday night at approximately 8:45pm he left, unceremoniously departed with two words  “Be Happy” and he was gone. Wednesday I woke up for the first time without Firefly, I know that he has moved on and I have a sneaking suspicion that I know who he has moved on to (insert ominous guess here!)

So what did I learn from all this? Am I crazy? Are there voices in my head? Was this a ghost? A spirit? Divine intervention from the gods to stop my crazy life choices? Who knows! All I know is that Firefly was an important part of my journey and while it was difficult to discuss in the past, just writing about it now is helping me attempt to make sense of our crazy journey together.

So Firefly this one is for you! Thank you for the guidance, thank you for the lessons and most of all thank you for the protection. Does the supernatural exist? I do not know, but I choose to believe that whatever this thing was, it was a force of good and that can only be a good thing.

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One thought on “Goodbye FireFly

  1. “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
    It doesn’t matter if it’s real or just part of (in)sanity. It helped. That’s what matters.

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