Intro – New Beginnings
After the closing of my weight loss and body image challenge I needed to take this in a new direction. I have recently started dating actual men again and thought that this was the right time for a project that has been on the back burner for a few years now. Everytime I try and recreate it, it just never works, but I feel that this is the right time, so without any further ado here we go!
“The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing.” Voltaire
Let me start by saying that I am not a relationship expert, I don’t have a degree in psychology, I am not a therapist I like to think of myself as more of a self-appointed relationship coach. The advice contained in this blog is a guide inspired by real people and real events. I am not bitter, not all relationships are bad, I am merely using this as a means of sharing what I have learnt about relationships, specifically gay one’s and provide a “how to survive” guide as best as I can.
Relationships are tough, in particular gay relationships, I don’t know if it is because of the years of affliction we as a people have suffered, or the completely unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves and of those around us. It is something that has been shown in movies, books, on TV, songs are mainly about relationships and if we are talking country songs bad relationships. It seems that everyone everywhere wants to talk about relationships but there is one type of relationship that we do not get to look too deep into. The Gay relationship, specifically man to man. Most men I know that are straight are under the impression that there is always a man that is the man and man that is the woman, naturally they assume the more feminine acting man is branded the girl and like most assumptions this is rarely the case. Gay relationships are as every bit complex as a straight couple’s. Sure and let’s be 100% here gay men have a lot more sex than straight men and it is no secret that a high sex drive comes built in to us males and is something that we can rarely avoid. The following is a description of events, people and places that have nurtured these relationships and have allowed me to look at each of them thoroughly and draw my own personal conclusions from there.
I chose Voltaire’s statement as I not only love it, there is something about it that just grabs me, I am in a constant state of “know nothingness” and while this has allowed me to have a very open mind, I often find it puts me in the place of being in constant contrast to nearly every other person on the planet. When I was younger I grew up with people in groups. My family were very strict penticostal christians, we weren’t even allowed to watch certain Disney movies (The Little Mermaid because of the sea witch, Aladdin it had magic and said Alla, The Lion King because it had a witchdoctor, and so like any other normal child when everyone is doing something that you are not allowed to do, we would sneak over for sleep overs and binge on them at our friends house (yes youth’s of today, binging existed before Netflix and DVD box sets!) Anyway I digress, everyone was segregated into groups in my childhood, the christians, the secular non-believers, family, friends, school, teachers, leaders and my memory of this is that all of these people held a similar opinion about the world, you knew if you went to a certain person who fit into a certain group they would have an identical or similar opinion and you knew who you would go to for certain things. Spiritual guidance could be found in leaders at the church, bullying and schoolwork issues could be helped by teachers, friends would play games of Super Mario Bros. or Sonic The Hedgehog with you, in between hurtling down the slip and slide on long hot summer days, everything had its place and worked neatly.
Then I left the family home and discovered that these little groups that had existed in my head, these perfect enclaves of beings was a childhood fantasy, a safety mechanism in order to keep things safe. I had to leave the folly of childhood behind as I found out, unfortunately not too quickly, that not everyone is honest. I was used to taking people at face value, trusting judgement from my parents that had already been made for me, I had no society or friend filter and found myself being taken advantage off easily. It took me several years to build up even a small level of street smarts and now at the grand age of 30 I think I finally have my shit figured out.
What I have learned is that every person on this planet is actually different, we say one thing and think another, unless you were born with no filter like I was, where you say what’s on your mind without hesitation and this is both a blessing and a curse. As a result I do not fit in with the corporate types, or the “classy” types that have to dress up to go to dinner while sitting in a posh restaurant with 8 forks, or the socially appropriate conversations just don’t wash with me, and also as a direct result of this I am not great at small talk. I actually despise it, pleasantries, general chit chat annoys me to no end, I like to get to the crux of the discussion and really have a good long hard talk about it, rather than say the weather, traffic or “local/popular sports team” I used to find this really frustrating as I found it really hard to fit in when I was in these circles, but when I discovered that this was a trait I got from my nan and my aunty I relished in it, knowing that it was ok for me to be this way, and it didn’t mean I was strange or odd. My mother is the complete opposite of me, she is bubbly, bright, outgoing, could get a conversation from a dead tree in 20 seconds if she tried, she could talk underwater and has no hesitation making general chit chat with anyone in public. I used to be so envious of this ability, it was always something that I desired so I tried to force myself to do it and realised that there was no possible way to make it seem sincere so I agreed that I should always be myself, because that is the only and best person I can be for myself and the world.
So what is this? This is a blog about my experiences in the hope that anyone having relationship or identity issues can find some solace in these words, but mostly this is for me. This started out as a book, then a tv show, then a book again and now hopefully a blog. I find joy in spending time with people, observing them, interacting with them and it is from here that I draw my conclusions in a very non Carrie Bradshaw-esque way I hope. It should also be noted that I have changed the name of every single person I have interacted with and observed for obvious reasons, except for Nicole Lawler, who is to this day and will always be, the most amazing, the most lovely, the most brave, the most inspiring person on this planet to me, as everyone should know just how important and incredible this woman is. With that I now bring this introduction to a close and hope you will come back for the next chapter in which I hope to explain just exactly who I am and how I got to be here and why it took me to 31 to get my shit together. As much as this blog is about me, it is also about my experiences and relationships in this world that have helped challenge, shape and mould my opinions of the world.