She’s BACK!

and-shes-back-.jpg
note : no this is not me or my new look!

What a break! I have been having so much fun exploring my new surroundings and city. I went on a “no carbs left behind tour” of Melbourne and Sydney and realised one morning when I tried to pull my jeans up that they were a lot tighter than they used to be (they still fit!!!) so I did what I know I had to do and weighed myself..I had put on 4 kilos since the challenge, I was actually surprised because I was expecting it to be at least 8 so it was a good news/bad news situation.

Fortunately this put a little fire in my expanding belly and I started to get back to the gym, but this time I was doing it with no motivation, no trainer help, no friend support, I was completely and utterly on my own and it scared the absolute shit out of me. I found myself sitting around having no idea what to do. I would start off on the treadmill, get bored after 10 minutes, then go over to the cross trainer, get bored after 5, go to the weights area and get intimidated by the overflow of hotties and just give up and go home.

This process repeated itself for a few days before I just gave up. I threw my handbag in the river and decided that staying at home and playing video games was a better way to spend my time. Cut to me three weeks later, depression had come slinking back in with his good friend self-doubt and began whispering in my ear “You are not good enough” “Look at you – you fat hypocrite! You have come here and you are NOTHING!” Usually this would send me into a downward spiral of carb loading, chocolate consuming (ok this part I MAY have partaken in!) instead I went to my friends and found solace in complete ignorance, and when I returned I ahd forgotten about the feelings and life carried on. I got back into the gym, I started eating properly again and just as I was in a rhythm, BAM! ! I got hit with a stomach virus, and this was unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. Anytime I tried to eat it just came rocketing out of me (sorry for the visuals!) I spent days in bed, writhing in pain, I couldn’t keep anything down except for dry biscuits and lemonade, which to a foodie is a complete and utter insult.

Anytime I attempted a normal meal, I paid the price, each time getting sicker and sicker and in the end I just had to give in to the sickness and wade it out with lemonade, dry biscuits and gastro-stop. The silver lining was the first morning I emerged from my bed feeling a little bit better I got dressed, looked in the mirror and BAM! Shit I looked good again, I had lost weight and my version of myself was back to where it was 6 months ago. It was just the boost that I needed to get back on track.

I got back to the gym four times one week, then five, then six! My eating portions got back on track. my happiness returned and those extra kilos I put on? Gone! My jeans are looser, my smile is bigger and I did it all by myself.

Whenever I see anyone who hasn’t seen me for six months and they go on and on about the weight loss and my journey etc, it all is so amazing and it still astounds me everyday that I did it, this portion of my journey, this six months has been so crucial, in that I did it all by myself, I didn’t have a trainer hounding me to go the gym 6 days a week, I didn’t have friends cheering me on, asking about my weight loss, my kilos this week, my eating, all I had was me and my brain and my willpower, which is now so much stronger, so much fitter, so much better than it ever was, and I am grateful to myself for pulling myself through, an ordeal that could have gone horribly the other way.

So here is to me, to coming back after what could have been a complete re-bound, to committing to this change for life and for having the sheer determination and will-power to do this and not let depression, anger or hurt get in the way. SHE’S BACK BITCHES!

 

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