Last night I had the hunger, the hunger for SCHNITZEL! I wanted it and there was no escaping this craving. I tried exercising, I tried eating my brown rice and chicken breast, praying that my body would accept it as a schnitzel substitute. Ha! Yeah nice try idiot. I barely slept as my stomach growled and begged me to feed it schnitzel, or at the very least more food!
This has NEVER happened to me before, I have never been kept up, deprived of sleep just because of food! What the actual hell? Are you for real brain and body? You seriously haven’t synced up together now and realised that this challenge is real? Also that it is nearly over! Hold out another 11 days you impatient fool. Schnitzel is coming !
I finally fell asleep with only 2 hours before I had to get up and go to work. I stumbled out of bed in the WORST mood I have been in a VERY long time. I apologise now to anyone I had to work with today for my grumpiness and bitchiness today, but I really needed schnitzel!
As I got to work I started to get angry at the challenge, angry that it was restricting from letting me do what I wanted. I got angry that I couldn’t just walk up to a shop and buy a schnitzel wrap. I seriously sat at my desk and nearly cried because I couldn’t have it. I really wish I was joking about this.
I wrote an angry Facebook status update (rookie mistake!) and received comments about putting crushed almonds on chicken (seriously? EW!) and after a vent, a cry and a coffee the world started to look like a better place. I can’t believe I got THAT upset over schnitzel and that I went to this crazy place of cursing out the challenge, fitness and what I am trying to achieve.
I stuck to a chicken salad for lunch and as I finished it I actually began to feel normal again. My body had accepted that this was the food it was getting today and it just had to deal with it, as it has for the last 10 weeks. I hurried back to work with a fresh juice and cried for the second time today because I think I realised that I am a completely different person. The old me would have had a schnitzel last night, doubled it up with bacon and eggs in the morning followed by pasta for lunch along with whatever pastries I could get my hands on during the day. But I did not do this, yes I cried, yes I got upset, yes I questioned myself but I didn’t give in .
Holy crap I have changed, this has actually had a positive effect on me. Really? Wow. After the blind rage and fury I was feeling this morning, it had all gone away because I didn’t go there and instead of chose to make those good food decisions that I have been lacking for the last 30 years. When put into that mentality, it really did shift my thinking and although I am not quite up to almond chicken yet, my friend did give me an amazing recipe for fruit sorbet.
This is what I have come to realise today, food and appetite are linked to your brain, that’s right your brain. Your body can trick your brain into thinking I need schnitzel, or ice cream, or comfort but I have to have the strength to say no, no you don’t! Have this salad and like it god damn it ok! Control your thoughts, control your body.