So we are now at the 4 week mark! Some people are saying they can see a difference, some are not. The main point of focus is my shoulders and chest, and to be honest yes I can see a difference here. My arms are getting bigger, after a week of failings last week, this week I feel like I am smashing it. I feel stronger, I feel more energetic, I feel like this is who I am now. The old me is dead and gone, and for the firs time all in a VERY long time (YEARS!) the thoughts of depression and self-loathing are no longer lingering. While I am not riding high on these emotions, I can feel the shift in my thinking and the positive effect it is having on my life and on those around me. I started my week of training harder this week and tonight I REALLY pushed myself with a legs session and smashed a circuit in my last p.t sesh. All of this diet, exercise, clean eating, recovery, while still trying to maintain a “normal” life is starting to come together and I am finding that everything I was worried about it being let go. Things that used to irritate and annoy me, no longer do so, everything in my world has shifted and there is no regrets, there is only forward.
This week I really wanted to highlight someone who has gone above and beyond anything I ever imagined when I started this. Something I have always wanted more of in my life is close friendships with other guys. Now let me clarify I do have friendships with gay men, but find it really hard to relate to straight men and hang out with them. Anyone who has read this before knows who my trainer (Levi) is and the impact he has already had on the beginning of my journey, we are now at week 4 and I think he would agree that this man deserves an award (or at least a holiday!) The constant whinging, complaining, sweating, mood swings, body odour, crying, laughing, dancing is enough to make this straightie run for the hills! But to his credit he hasn’t, he is constantly encouraging me, training with me, pushing me harder every time and he does it all with a (semi!) smile on his face.
I was being a moody myrtle on Monday and took some things personally that I shouldn’t have. I took offence to a few things because my emotional state after the weekend was pretty fragile. Friends I have had in the past would talk about me behind my back and not really want to talk about it. It would be bitched and bitched about it to everyone else and eventually would get back to me, nope not in this case. Talked about, dealt with and moved on. This really made me realise that these are the kind of friendships that must be treasured and kept. Through my complaining he still encouraged me and helped me through a personal situation I was having and made me realise that I don’t have to accept the rotten fruit anymore. Anyone who isn’t supporting and encouraging just needs to be cut loose and I need to move on. I have had people cut me out of their lives without talking about it or mentioning it, and knowing how much it annoys me, I have always hesitated to do the same. But now I see the benefit of doing this, and why for my own mental health it is necessary.
Levi mate, I hope you are reading this, I can never repay you for the impact you have had on my life, I can’t wait to be completely transformed and have you standing next to me at the end of it. You are one of the most inspiring men I have ever met and feel privileged to count you among my friends. You are not only amazing at your job, you are a role model in the community and hope you know this. So before I continue to inflate your already over sized head, I will just say we have another 8 weeks! Thanks for sticking with me and I promise I will make it to boot camp this Saturday (maybe!)