Wednesday night I felt really good after weighing in and writing that post about the weigh in and how great things were. I had a sensible dinner and I had a lot of work to do that night, so I knew in my mind it was going to be a late one.
Around 10:30pm I got the striking hunger pain, and not just a small pain, it was the worst kind when I knew in my mind that I had to eat, and no small piece of fruit or almonds would do. I sent Levi a message to see what I could eat, and there was nothing in the house that could be deemed healthy.
I waited another 30 minutes and it got worse. In my mind I knew that there was a packet of Shapes in the pantry and they were screaming out “Eat me, Eat me EAT ME!!!” I held off another 20 minutes and then went to the pantry. I sat down with a large bottle of water and the packet of Shapes.
What I did next was I am sure the most ungodly display of gluttony ever seen. It was as if I had not seen food in 10 years, I woofed the whole packed down in about 7 minutes flat, I barely came up for air! When I started to slow down I pushed my hand in the foil and realised that I had just eaten the whole box.
After chugging down a large quantity of water, I brushed my teeth and crawled into bed and cried. Why the fuck am I crying about eating a box of shapes? Seriously? Are there not bigger issues in the world than this? Perspective please!
I tried to distract myself with these thoughts and I finally drifted off to sleep with a full and happy belly, but very guilty conscience. When I woke up in the morning the lingering smoke of guilt still hazed around my head and I realised that I had the whole day to work off these Shapes…these beautiful, pizza flaked, starchy bread biscuits that had transported me to food heaven.
I spent a record two hours at the gym busting out as many calories as I could and left feeling invigorated and less bloated and fat like I had earlier. I tried to figure out why I had got so crazy and jumped to that place of inhaling a box of Shapes? Hadn’t I been happy just hours before with my weight loss and food plan?
Thursday went on and all I wanted to do was eat, eat and eat. All day I just wanted to grab a bacon and egg roll, smother it in tomato ketchup and eat about 4 of them (even now typing this I am drooling at the thought!) Thursday night comes around and what do I want? A bacon deluxe burger, large onion rings and an apple turnover. This serious longing set in again and I knew where I could go to get these items…all I had to do was get in the car and drive. . .
I sent out a SOS message via Facebook and got some amazing responses that calmed me down and got me to climb into bed and go to sleep and forget about the whole horrid affair. All morning I have been asking myself why am I feeling like this? Last week was the first week of this change shouldn’t I have been getting these cravings last week? Why is it so much harder this week?