So I am a few weeks into this lifestyle change and I have to be honest and say it is the best thing I have ever done. I don’t know why I was so afraid and waited for so long to do this. My journey so far has been incredible, adjusting to the food changes is not as bad as I thought. Getting my butt to the gym is not a strenuous task anymore, it is just part of my daily routine, and part of this routine is getting someone who knows bodies and fat and getting them to help get it off me. That’s right I enlisted a personal trainer to help me with my journey, and it is the best decision I have ever made.
My trainer’s name is Levi, he is a firefighter/mechanic/personal trainer/ideal boyfriend (oops did I say that??) and to add to this he specialises in weight loss, particularly getting rid of fat. The first time we met I went into great lengthy discussions (seriously who is surprised?) about my life, my journey, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to achieve, what had led me here and a lot about my past.
After he got me to shut up, we went out into the gym and started the training session. I am going to be completely honest here and tell you that he killed me, he shattered every muscle, every bone, every molecule of my being was screaming out in pain after not being used for so long. We did some boxing exercises, some rowing and weights (oh god!) and then he asked me this curious question “How is your core?”and me being me replied “Well that is a very good question, I have been working for the last several years on my core, it was blackened and then ripped out by a selfish man who wanted me to be something I wasn’t, and then I was left feeling completely empty so I went on this journey to find myself again and actually have something inside me that I could be proud of.” He looked at me and smiled and said Üm, mate I meant your core, like muscles, stomach etc” I was so embarrassed and we both started laughing, as I got down on the gym mat on the floor to do this horrible exercise in which you have to lay down but put your palms on the ground and elevate your body, holding it steady for as long as you can. “This activates your core and tells me how strong you are” Levi said. I assumed the position and forced my body to stay there for a whole 30 seconds, that’s right 30 seconds of shaking, sweating and trembling, as I was trying to prove that my core was strong.
This got me thinking about everything I have been through, everything I have accomplished and achieved to make me the person I am today. Having the core of my life ripped out by someone else was the hardest thing I have ever been through, and dragging myself through that muddy mess to recreate and shape the core of who I am and want to be was a lengthy and frankly exhausting feat. Yes I only worked on my insides, but really at the time that is what I needed to do to move on, to be the person I am today. While I feel that I will never stop learning, changing and growing, I am now just allowing my body to catch up, and it is this sheer determination that will not stop me for achieving my goal.
As I am typing this my arms are killing me, my legs giving way but I feel more alive in my body that I have in a long time. I look forward to my training time, it awakens me and gives me a sense of pride and purpose and I cannot wait to see the changes in my body.
PS I promise I won’t leave it so long between posts!