Since I was a child I can always remember my mother’s church singing a hymn “I’ll be like a tree, planted by the water. Nothing can shake me, nothing can move me. I’ll be like a tree!” I remember everyone singing and chanting these words with there fists pumping in the air, singing with such passion and vigour. While the song did have a catchy tune and all the excitement appealed to me, over the last few months this song has kept repeating in my head.
Many people (and myself at one stage included) indulge themselves in toxic relationships. Shacking up with people who will never commit, cheaters, liars, guys in the closet and just general losers who are clearly wrong for them, but when it comes to being in a relationship they are completely blind-sided by the obvious facts that everyone around them can see. If you say something you are screwed, if you don’t say something you are screwed, either way is a no win for you and having been on both sides of the spectrum I can honestly say this is by far the biggest no win situation of all.
When we place ourselves in these situations it is hard to see outside the foggy illusion of love, we are of the belief that no one person or thing can rock us. That we can weather the storm of life together and bury all of the blind sides we conveniently ignored.
Sometimes it’s not till a storm comes that things get unearthed, we get to see what’s underneath. The dark secrets and the truths that in the light of day we keep hidden. For some, the truth will make them feel closer, for others it will make them more alone. Pain will get uprooted some pain still too deep to be seen by human eyes. But in time as we replant ourselves we will be thankful, because like the roots of a tree it is what lies beneath that allows us to grow…together or apart.
I love this analogy of the tree and re-planting (or potting if you will) ourselves. Some people’s roots are spread around and have withered slightly from over population, some are young saplings encouraged by the gentle water of life to keep growing. Some have been so bitterly bashed and bruised that they can no longer be buried in the ground.
When storms come we have to be prepared, we have to have strong and firm roots that can hold on and weather the dark storm headed our way. For it is during this time that our relationship and most of all our selves are put to the test, if our roots are not strong enough we will wither and die, but if we are strong enough, the roots grow deeper and and deeper into the ground.
As a person if you have strong and confident roots, no person or no feeling can break or shake you. It is easy to pick up on the bullshit artists coming your way, intent on turning you into blackened firewood. These last few months I have learned that the most important thing, is planting myself around people who will water my shrubs, encouraging me to grow and blossom.
Being human it is easy to get side-swiped by feelings of attraction, we often mistake those for love and find ourselves re-planted in an out of season plantation, withering, dying and begging for help. It is up to ourselves to rely one the one person who can get us through these times, and that is ourselves. Plant your roots deep, plant them strong and don’t ever let anyone rip you out of the solid soil you are in.