Coming up for a title for this post was difficult so I made it plain, I made it simple, Day One…quite simply the most appropriate and significant day in recent times. So what’s been going on? A lot actually…I have changed jobs since I last checked in, my relationship is going along swimmingly (I’m engaged now!) My best friend and his partner have moved up here so I now have friends again that I can see and do things with, and yet somehow in the last 12 months I have put on 15kgs and sunk into what I thought was a “rough patch” after 6 months of roughing it I realised last week that this was no patch, this was my old friend depression rearing his ugly head again. Knocking on the doors of my mind and invading like an unwanted squatter clouding my thoughts and judgement.
I have gone from a t shirt size of M to a now XXL in a 2 year period. At first I palmed it off as “relationship weight” you get comfortable, you stop going to the gym as much, you go out on dinner dates more and generally just enjoy each other and it was an amazing time. I genuinely loved getting to know my partner and spending time together doing what we love. It was the most amazing and exciting time of my life and I loved every second of it. During this time though the gym sessions went down from 5 times a week to 3 times a week to one to eventually none. Blaming busy schedules and comfort everything just slipped away and as time flew by and I moved to a sentient job my life spun completely out of control .
During this time I have had a gym membership and I have been going intermittently. I did start to lose some weight earlier this year and things were looking up, however as my schedule got busier and I felt wearier I kept putting my next workout off because I was tired/not in the mood/busy/made other plans/not enough hours in the day/partner needs my attention and every other excuse under the sun that you could ever think of.
So here I am weighing in at the biggest I have ever been in my life 117kgs. I had my first proper gym session yesterday and I was so proud of myself. I completely smashed it and when I got that rush of endorphin and pump all these memories of how addicted to that feeling I used to be came flooding back and something in my mind just clicked. It was like I went into hyper-drive and I knew that this was it, do or die time. When I got home I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a video from a PT that I follow Steve Booth the video spoke at length about how you have to change your standard to lose weight and get fit and basically rise above what other people are doing. Having done a weight loss thing before I know it’s the alcohol and sugar that make me put on weight and I have allowed myself to become that person again who drinks and eats whenever and whatever I want without consequence. I used to be a drinker, I stopped when I lost weight for health and life reasons and now I have allowed myself to slip back down into that drinking lifestyle again.
When looking at what I could possibly do to kickstart this thing I honestly considered lapband surgery, it would be quick, the results would be good and it would force me to portion control. But then how does an easy way out work? I know people that have had it done and they have all put it back on because it doesn’t change lifestyle or bad habits. I considered chinese tea diet of tea 3 times a day for 4 weeks, yeah no sorry my body requires actual food to function and when I lost last time I did it with amazing fresh food and protein. At I weighed my options I knew that the only thing that could actually change my situation was nutrition and exercise. It all boiled down to 2 simple things that I can control and do, but I felt like I needed assistance. I don’t have hundreds of dollars for a personal trainer so as I paroozed Steve’s fitness page there was a 7 day start up transformation program that was free and all online. Without hesitating I signed up and decided that now is my time. I can work with the demons in my mind but I really REALLY want to get my body under control and start implementing self-discipline.
Here begins day one, I had some natural yoghurt and honey for breakfast with a weight loss shake and small coffee (almond milk) I premade chicken breast with broccoli and brown rice for lunch and banana for pre-gym workout later. Thus starts my 7 day transformation that will then continue with a life-long promise to myself that I will NEVER let myself go again. Looks aren’t everything and I know that but I want to look good for me, I want that rush from exercise and pump from working hard and seeing results. This is what I need to push through and motivate me, so not only am I back into exercise but I feel that my blog needs to come back to work through my mind demons to come out the other side.
Here’s to Day One!